I thought No. 1 was going to be 'Become An Actor'. Hilarious aye, but actors work real hard, so stop laughing! Nah they don't really, they just sit about in their trailers jacking off over the fruit bowl, then occasionally venturing outside on set, farting, which is then recorded, edited, a fart noise is added, sound track is added (more fart noises), the fart cloud is digitally enhanced using lasers fired from Uranus, then it's shown to a test audience who demand a happier ending where the fart noise becomes a trombone-like sound. So it's re-edited, the sound changed and then it's ready.

Then it's shown to some very important critics, without whom the Earth would not revolve around the Sun, who applaud the actor's skill in showing the depth and exact squelchy sound of someone passing wind. It's then shown in countries the world over, its very existence halts global warming, the meltdown of the economy and provides the whole world with clean water - then, finally, deservingly, they get an Oscar.

That's fact, I should know, as I once directed Gielgud on stage as Hamlet's sweat glands, it's was spectacular!

Anyway, like I said acting's not on the list, but plenty of other great career paths are. So go check it out and find out how to get rich, without having to work, just like an actor!

Everyone's favourite crime fighting, orphaned weirdo is in for some trouble. Looks like Bob Kane's name for his seminal cultural icon wasn't so original after all, or so some bozos claim...

Whatever next? Mother Nature's going to sue Stan Lee and Steve Ditko for copyright infringement and getting the colours all wrong, you fools, when creating Spider-Man (ever seen a red and blue spider?). Is the body of an old ship or some 'unwieldy mass' going to sue Marvel for stealing the name Hulk?

Will the gravestone of influential comic-book legend Jack Kirby get desecrated by some ageing grey-haired beach bum, for stealing his moniker of Silver Surfer? Is a bolt of lightning going to strike down DC comics HQ for stealing the name Flash? Huh? Is it? Is that what you want! Jeez, I can feel my very DNA beginning to unravel in maddening fury.

It's just plain ridiculousness, although it is quite fun to think of various superheroes and then think up what sort of thing could sue them for stealing its name. Fun for about 30 seconds anyway.

So go on give it a try and send them to giveahoot@hotmail.com, the best ones'll get sued for stealing my idea.